All, right, I've had these ficbits on my hard drive for a while now and I think it's high time I gave up on them. There's a lot of OCs and confusing crossover settings so no one's likely to want these.
MALIK: Well, this is my first real show but I did some ad spots when I was younger.
Host: I see. What kind of character do you guys play?
Zim: Oh, it's fun. I'm this kind of... evil... alien guy, and when it starts off I'm trying to take over the world but I'm bad at it.
Host: Oh, really?
Zim: I'm terrible at it and I'm totally obsessed with the leaders of my planet-
Host: I heard those are actually being played by your twin brothers.
Zim: Yeah, so the parts where they make fun of me come natural.
MALIK: -snort-
Host: Too bad the height thing didn't... you know...
Zim: Well, Mom let me drink a lot of coffee when I was a kid...
MALIK: -snort-
Zim: It all works out, though, because if I was tall I wouldn't have been picked for the part. A lot of it revolves arond my height. And this is a great role, so...
Host: I see. Well, every cloud has a silver lining. Now, I've seen the trailers and I notice you do a lot of screaming. Is that ever hard on your voice?
Zim: Hm, how should I put this... yes. My character does a lot of screaming. They've actually had to put off filming because I needed a day to heal.
Host: Ooh, ouch.
Zim: That's when they do scenes with the other actors.
Host: I see. This series has a lot of characters, doesn't it?
MALIK: Well, yeah. We aren't even involved with a lot of it. There's whole storylines on Kaua'i, storylines on Star Command we're not even involved in.
Host: Really? I thought you guys were leads.
Zim: Oh, we definitely are. Just not all the time. There's a lot of story.
Host: I see. May, what's your role like?
MALIK: -laughs- Oh, it's fun. I play this really horrible shrew- it's cathartic, actually, I get to do and say all the petty things I've ever resisted doing.
Host: -laughs- I see.
Zim: Yeah, she doesn't really have to work at it-
MALIK: Zim! XD
Host: How are the two of you involved?
MALIK: Oh, well, he kidnaps me halfway into the second volume.
Host: -raised eyebrows- Does he?
Zim: Yeah. Thing is, she likes me better than who had her before.
Host: Stockholm Syndrome?
MALIK: Mmm... not exactly. It's weird. There's this one part where I run away and get bored and come back...
Zim: That was fun to film.
MALIK: Too bad it wound up cut from the final version.
Zim: It'll probably be on the DVD somewhere.
Host: Are your characters romantically interested?
Zim: Oh, no. My character doesn't have a romantic bone in his body.
MALIK: Mine doesn't either. Well, she does have a little crush on him, but she doesn't express it. Doesn't know how.
Host: Ah. I see. Well, I think that's all the time we have for today...
Zim: Aww.
Host: Great talking to you guys.
MALIK: Oh, you too.
Host: Until next time, ZIm and MALIK, everybody! If you want to see these two again, be sure to watch both Syllables every Friday, I hear there are some huge plot twists coming up.
Zim: Very twisty.
Host: Now, coming up next we have a two-headed Chiuahua-
Host: Hello and welcome back to xxx! I'm sure you guys remember our interview with Zim and MALIK a few weeks ago, right? Well, today we have some more of the leads from Both Syllables, please welcome XR and Kila!
Kila: Yeah, I'm glad to see me too.
Host: Kila, I notice no accent.
XR: You didn't think that thing was real, did you?
Host: I- no, she just does it so well-
Kila: Well, my father really was Jukani.
Host: Do I detect a hint of Brooklyn there?
Kila: Grew up there, yeah.
Host: Huh. Okay. Well... XR, I hear you're the hero of the series.
XR: Oh well, Zim tries. He just doesn't have my acting experience.
Kila: -snort-
XR: Oh, my role. |D Well... I wouldn't say I'm the hero. Me and Zim have about equal parts, I think.
Host: It just seems to be skewed towards you a little bit.
XR: Yeah, it starts more about me, but later on Zim's going to have two or three volumes I'm not even in. Well, I have the occasional bit part, but. Kila's there for it, though.
Host: Is she? Kila, you're turning out to have a pretty major role.
Kila: Well, I'm there but I'm not always doing anything. I do have a big role, though.
Host: Speaking of which, XR, I hear you have a love interest in this series.
XR: I have about five. I'm a James Bond type.
Kila: -snort-
XR: Seriously though, my character does a lot of pining for different women. Unlucky in love, he is. Let's see, there's Mira, 42, Savy SL-2 whom I actually get to date briefly, and I thought there were more...
Host: What about the female lead sitting right next to you?
XR: Huh? Oh. Oh, Kila!
Kila: Yes, me.
XR: Oh, uh- we're just friends, I think?
Kila: Pretty sure.
XR: Yeah, it's a platonic relationship.
Host: I hear Kila gets in a catfight over you.
Kila: Well, the girl is treating him badly and... my character goes around looking for excuses to fight, really.
Host: I see. What's your character like, anyway?
Kila: Oh, it's fun. First off, as you pointed out, I get to put on that accent... and she's a neurotic type, lots of staring and twitching. She's aggressive, too. Mostly she's just incredibly hyper. I have to throw myself around a lot.
Host: I hear you and MALIK's character have a rivalry.
Kila: Sure as shootin'. We think it's hilarious.
Host: You're friends offscreen, right?
Kila: We shop together. Well, we make fun of people who are shopping together.
Host: I see. XR, she really is your sister, isn't she?
XR: May? Yeah, us and XL, we're related in real life. Dyna's actually our sister too but that won't come up in the series.
Host: She's a bit character, right?
XR: Yeah, just a bit character.
Host: And Kila, you and Stitch-
Kila: Cousins.
Host: I see. XR, what kind of character are you playing?
XR: Well, as stated he's not really the hero type. He's uh... he's kind of neurotic and hyper too, but whereas Kila's aggressive he's just really needy and... kind of a wimp, at times? Oh, and he's very witty, which is fun.
Kila: My character is witty too but not as much.
XR: Our roles kind of balance each other out, see, when mine is a wimp hers calls him on it and when she does something crazy...
Host: But you're not romantically involved.
Kila: No, the director decided it would wreck the dynamic.
Host: I see. XR, I hear you and Zim wind up duking it out.
XR: Well, it's more like he ambushes me. That kid can be creepy when he puts his mind to it, you know? He's goin' places.
Host: But you all get along offscreen.
Kila: We're one big happy family.
Host: Good for you. So if you're not romantically involved, what are you?
XR: Well, we're best friends. Platonically. More like brother and sister, really.
Kila: Really, just because two characters are different genders doesn't mean they need to fall in love. Look at Lilo and Stitch.
Host: Ah, Lilo! She has a big role too, doesn't she?
XR: She does. And she has a real love interest.
Host: Who might that be?
XR: That'd be telling.
Host: Back to your and Kila's relationship...
Kila: Again, brother and sister of sorts. Or... maybe more maternal.
Host: Oh?
XR: In City Traffic Puzzle I wind up going to her for help. I freak out on her and she...
Kila: My character takes pity on him and takes him in.
XR: Then we annoy each other and I walk out on her after... I won't say.
Host: I see.
Kila: Then I actually wind up in custody? And he... well, I won't give it away either.
Host: But no romance.
XR: Nope, not here.
Host: I see. Well, I think that's all the time we have today.
XR: Okay. Well, it was fun.
Host: It was, wasn't it?
It was dark.
It was dark because it was night.
Night is a normal occurrence on many planets, it is certainly not unique to Earth and if you polled any number of intelligent beings you would probably not find a single one who was a stranger to the concept. However, most species also have set sleep/wake patterns, and a diurnal creature is unlikely to be happy at being awakened during a planet's night.
"What'd you wake me up for?" XR demanded, putting one hand over his eyes.
He felt Kila's paws on his back and shoulder. "Hush," she hissed. "Listen."
They were in the Pelekai's living room, XR sitting by the arm of the couch where he'd been huddling asleep a few seconds ago and Kila crouching beside him. Now he heaved a deep sigh and did as she said, listening carefully to the sounds around them. He heard wind, night birds, crickets and... a full, throaty, scratchy cry somewhere in the distance. Zim.
"I don't hear anything I don't hear every night on this island," he said in a nasal, snappy tone, and was shushed again in reply. "What? What's so fascinating out there?"
"Listen!"
He rolled his eyes and listened some more. Hearing being one of the easiest senses to imitate with technology, XR's was fairly excellent. Still, all he heard was the typical night sounds. An owl hooted, frogs peeped, and Zim cried out in his native tongue. He'd probably seen a spider or something.
"Kila-"
"Shh," she said, tugging on his wrist. "Out here."
Resigning himself to a sleepless night, he let her lead him out onto the steps. They stood there together, him taking in the stars, the palm trees waving in the breeze, the soft tropical- okay, it was kinda nice out here. Maybe this wasn't so bad.
He closed his eyes, enjoying the breeze. When he opened them again Kila was slinking down the steps, hunched, furtive, like some sort of prowling wild dog. He began to follow her.
Her manner and the intense look on her face suggested that there was indeed something wrong, at least in her funny little mind, and, rolling his eyes, he listened some more. Rustling plants, a flapping bat, creaking from the house and once again, Zim. He was screaming in different languages this time, which was a little different. First, a short word that sounded like English... a series of the harsh hard consonant sounds and screaming drawn-out vowels that composed the Irken language... one he didn't know... Jukani, judging from the accent... then the Tantalog word for 'help'.
XR blinked. The word 'help' was repeated in XR's own mother tongue of Alliance Standard, and then he broke into a drawn-out, wordless scream. It was horrible to listen to.
"What's wrong with him?" he said under his breath. Kila shook her head.
The voice rose out of the darkness again. He sounded pretty far away- XR would guess he was over by his restaurant. "MALIK! MINIMOOSE! GIIIIIR!" His voice was so desperate it bordered on hysterical. "SKIREEEEENA ZIM!" And the series started again, high-pitched and choppy. "HELP ME! SKIREENA ZIM! HILTA MIRL! NYISH KI! FOTA ZIM! SHLORA BA! SKIREEEEEEEEENAAAAAH!!!!!"
Around them, the wind blew and the palm trees rustled and XR shuddered uncontrollably. "Okay, so..." he said in a trembling voice, taking Kila by the shoulder. "You have any idea what that's about?"
She shook her head. There was an ominous calm. The frogs had stopped peeping. The birds had stopped calling. All he heard was the movement caused by the wind.
Why doesn't May help him? he thought. What on Star Command could keep that one away?
A dog howled. Kila's head jerked in a nod and the cries started up again, fast and choppy. "SKIREENA! SKIREENA! SKIREEEEEENAAAAH!!!"
Kila made a motion forward and he was on the verge of following her when he heard another noise, another scream. He screamed himself and tackled her to the ground.
"What you do that for?" she cried, flailing.
"Listen!" he hissed, pinning her down.
The noise again. An echoey, inhuman scream. Not Zim. Not even close.
XR stared into the darkness, his eyes wide and bulging. One hand came up to rub unconsciously at the side of his neck. Kila was completely still underneath him, her breathing fast and shallow.
There was a shrill, piercing screech of agony form the Irken. A horrible sound, one that made XR shudder. It tapered off into husky sobs. Kila gasped sharply. "Ame kef."
She made a motion as if to move and XR held her down again. "No. Kila, no. Don't go out there! Please!"
"What if the little idiot impaled himself?" she grumbled, and tried to pull away. He clutched at her.
"No. Kila, no." His voice was trembling with emotion. "You can't help him. No one can help the little guy now. Please. Come inside. Do it for me!"
She turned to stare at him. "What the... little? Guy? XR, what..."
"Please," he choked, and began herding her back to the door. "Please!"
She gave in without another word. They were almost to the door when he heard laughter.
XR cried out wordlessly and shoved Kila into the house, slamming the door behind them. His shoulders jerked in a soundless sob and he fell to his knees, staring sightlessly at the ground. The laughter was both triumphant and patronizing. It was accompanied by a deep moan of pain from Zim.
"A-Tyr," Kila whispered. "What happened to him?"
XR closed his eyes. He was beginning to tear up. "You don't wanna know! You don't wanna-"
He began to cry, soft, shuddering, helpless sobs. Kila leaned forward, touching his helmet. Her eyes were wide and fearful.
"XR," she said softly. "Am I ever going to see him again?"
"For his sake AND yours," he choked, "I hope you don't!"
The next day...
It was mornings like this that made Lilo glad to be alive.
She whistled merrily as she jogged along the sidewalk, her sandals smacking behind her as she went. This early, almost no one was up and she had the street all to herself. She liked it that way. It gave her freedom to run.
Now she slowed down, having reached her destination. She pushed her way inside the familiar little restaurant with a cheery cry of "Hi, Zim!"
Instead of the usual vague rant about humanity in general that usually followed, all she got was a slurred "Hey, Lilo."
Her eyebrows furrowed and her pace slowed. "'Lilo?' That's it? You're not gonna call me 'stink' or 'worm baby' or..."
"You're gross," he said in that same weak, manic-less voice. "Feel better?"
She cocked her head sideways, frowning. Zim was sitting hunched over the counter with his cheek pillowed in one hand. He looked pale and yellowy and there were alarming dark shadows under his dull, half-closed eyes. There was a deep gash on his left cheek. The blood from it had dried, she noted, so he must have done it hours ago. He'd forgotten to put his work clothes on and was just wearing a baggy aloha shirt and shorts. He was barefoot, she noted with some surprise, and caked with mud- there was even some smeared on his forehead.
"Are you okay?” she asked. "What happened? Why are you all dirty?"
"I am no more dirty than any other typical male," he mumbled.
She shook her head. "Your grasp of Earth language never fails to amaze, Zim."
"Thank yoooou..."
"I mean this mud," she said, pointing to it. "How'd this happen? And this?" She pointed to the wound on his face. "And-" Her gaze fell on his hands. They were filthy, and covered with cuts and scratches. Defense wounds, she realized. "Did you get in a fight?"
"Nnnope." He closed his eyes.
This was helpful. She sighed and sat down on one of the stools. This could take a while. "Zim?" she said. "Where are the robots?"
"Chargin'. Silly things managed to use aaaall their power. So they're... chargin..." He let the side of his face fall onto the counter with a painful-sounding thunk, and he folded his hands in front of it, pressing his antennae to his head. (Speaking of antennae, he'd managed to crink one up, on top of everything else.)
Lilo leaned forward, looking him over again and wondering if she should call Skoodge. He was slumped forward now, offering her a view of his back, and she didn't like what she saw. He was covered in what were definitely claw marks, big ones, and worst of all his Pak was dented. She hoped his semi-delirious manner wasn't caused by the Irken version of a concussion.
And here was something funny. She leaned closer, holding her hair so it wouldn't fall forward and brush his antennae, which might trigger a freakout. There were two little holes in his Pak, up by the shoulder. What could have done that?
She didn't know, but it couldn't be anything good. She winced. He was all scratched up, and in the back his shirt was soaked in blood. Ouch.
"You were just telling me that you were going to recharge too," she said. "And take a bath."
"Was I?" he said, standing up and swaying woozily on his feet.
She nodded.
"Sooo I was!"
"And you said that you'd close up the restaurant for a little while," she said. "Just until you feel better."
"I said that?" he said, holding his head. "I don't remember..."
"But you said it."
His eyebrows furrowed. "Okay. Well. If I said it." He sighed, closing his eyes. "Lilo, why don't you close up this time? Don't take the... stay away from the silverware." And he staggered off into the back room, absent-mindedly licking the cuts on his hands.
Lilo let out the breath she'd been holding. Sometimes the trick worked, sometimes it didn't. Now couldn't have been a better time.
She glanced over her back at the open/closed sign in the window. Zim had apparently forgotten to open up the place to begin with, so she didn't really need to do anything. She pulled out her cell phone.
"Hey, Skoodge. Look, I think something got at Zim last night. He's all scratched up in the back and his Pak is dented. No, he didn't say anything... well, you know him. Okay. Yeah, see you then."
10:23 AM
When he got to ZiM's, Kila was waiting by the door for him. She gave him a meaningful look, and unlocked the door, letting them both in.
Lilo and Dib were down below, her sitting on the couch, him leaning against the wall with his lanky arms folded over his chest. Zim and Skoodge were on the card table. The little terror was sitting down with his skinny legs dangling over the edge. He wasn't wearing a shirt, a fact that filled XR with mild disgust. Skoodge was standing behind him, examining his Pak.
"Tell them," Kila said, in Standard.
XR sucked his lower lip into his mouth. "Tell what?"
"What you heard last night."
XR cleared his throat. "I... I don't even know if..."
"Tell them, stupid!" she hissed.
He pulled away, holding his hands up. Well, that was uncalled for. "Fine, fine!" He looked back at the Irkens on the table, biting his lip. Really, the whole thing seemed so silly in daylight. The thing he'd heard screaming last night had been dead for years. It'd probably just been Zim, making weird noises again. And now he probably just had flu or something. "I don't know- look, I was probably wrong. I mean, you're always talking about how neurotic I am."
"Well- he was attacked, A-Tyr," she said. "Something went after his Pak."
His Pak. Of course. Paks had batteries. Energy sources.
As he watched, Zim yawned widely, exposing that the teeth where his canines would have been if he'd been normal were larger and sharper than the others. XR froze for a minute, then waved his hand around. "Oh!" he said. "Skoodge!"
"Oh, hi A-Tyr," Lilo said. "I didn't hear you come in."
He waved absent-mindedly at her, then said "Skoodge? Uh, h-hi. I think- I think I know what did this."
"Really?" Skoodge said with a small frown. "It coulda been anyone. Zim's not all that popular."
XR cleared his throat. "Yeah, but..." He chuckled nervously, then whimpered. "Skoodge... I'm gonna need to show you some of Star Command's files."
Elvis's voice rang out in the empty room, filling the space with his loud, over-acted Southern accent. "XR Nebula, do you promise to love and cherish-"
He was cut off by snapping fingers. "Yeah, yeah, cut the crap. We have legal reasons to get back to."
That was the girl, one hand on her hip and a dour frown on her face. XR had been sort of hoping she'd be pretty, because if you thought about it, this was quite an opportunity- but no, she wasn't pretty. 'Cute in a homely, nonsexy, utterly curveless way', maybe, but did he care about the platonic, homely kinda cute? No, not really.
Elvis must've heard this kinda thing before, because he went on- "Do you take Kilari Ann Runner for your lawfully wedded wife?"
"Uhuh." His voice was quick and short.
"And Kilari, do you take-"
"I showed up, didn' I?" she said, tapping her foot. "Yes. I take the guy."
Elvis nodded. "You may kiss the bride."
He raised his eyebrows. "Noo thank you."
The King of Rock 'n' Roll must have heard this one too, and there was no flicker of expression on his face- of course, the mirrored sunglasses were a bit obfuscating as well- as he held out the certificate. "You two young'uns are hereby joined, til death do you part."
Til death do us part over my dead body, he thought, and almost giggled out loud. The girl (Kilari, apparently) took the certificate and jammed it into her pocket of her jeans without even looking at it.
"Okay, fine," she said, and turned away from the altar, heading down the hallway at a clipped pace. XR followed her, studying her some more. She looked like your average aggravated three-foot-tall furry green alien with fake glass eyes and absolutely NO curves. His new wife. Baah. This kind of marriage was, he felt, the relationship equivalent of picking something up for five cents at a flea market.
"The money?" he said, frowning.
She scowled, jerking her head twice to the side in a weird gesture that could have been a nervous tic or Parkinson's, and whipped around to stand in front of him, almost causing him to run into her.
"Fine," she grumbled, shoving her hand into her pocket and rooting around. She came up with a handful of crumpled twenty-dollar bills, and held it out to him. He took the money, quickly counted it over- exactly eighty dollars- and put it away.
"Okay," he said. "Well, that's over."
She jerked her head in a nod. "Good riddance." She had a strange accent, he'd noticed- his new mail-order bride must be foreign. "I'll see you again in six mont's."
He nodded. Ah yes, 'annulment'. A lovely word. "Yep, see ya."
She turned and headed away at a brisk pace with her head down. He folded his arms over his chest, watching her appraisingly. Suddenly, on a total whim, he called out- "Wait a sec."
She looked over her shoulder with mingled exasperation and something else- fear? "What? What you wan' now?"
"Well, I was just wondering if you have a phone number?" he said, raising an eyebrow.
Her eyes were wary, her posture indicating she might bolt any minute. "Why?"
"Well, Kilari, I just married you. It'd be nice to have some way to get in touch with you if necessary."
Her eyebrows furrowed and she looked away. "All right, fine. But you'd better not call me wit' no prank calls." She reached into her jeans pocket again and fumbled around. She was wearing a white turtleneck over the jeans, along with a really tacky puffy vinyl orange vest. Not what little girls dream of getting married in.
Now she took out a scrap of paper and a pen and scribbled something, then thrust the paper at him. He took it and read it. Just her number and address. He put it away.
Now she turned and walked away again, head down and tail switching. He shrugged and turned away. Easy eighty bucks.
---
That was four months ago. And he here stood now, staring at the door to the house.
The cold rain coursed over his body and he was dimly aware of warm stickiness inside his helmet and flowing down his front. Small whines of damage sounded from scrapes and dents and cuts in his back and arms and butt and both hands and knees. He was looking at broken glass.
He felt one hand pawing at the door, fingers trailing over the surface with a soft scratching sound. Hot pain throbbed in a spot at the base of his helmet.
"Go away, Hurley!" a voice inside yelled. He roused himself to lift his hand and bring it down again against the door with a soft clack, and he voiced a tiny, inarticulate cry.
"I said it's not funny!" the voice snapped. "It maybe work the first time, and next, but this time Imma beat the crap out of you!"
Another clack. A wave of dizziness washed over him and he closed his eyes.
Footsteps. "Dang crap it all!" the voice was fuming, and the door flew open to reveal a small figure brandishing a baseball bat.
She saw him and her eyes widened. "Ame kef," she said softly and her hands went to his wrists, small, soft, and gentle.
"Kilari?" he slurred as she led him into the house. Inside, the lights seemed too-bright and disorienting. He closed his eyes against them.
"Shh, sha-kido, rest," she said quietly and made him sit down on something that felt like a couch. "You are leaking servo fluid. Hold still."
He began to tremble as she started to dab at him with her sleeve, cleaning up some of the servo fluid.
"Ame kef," she muttered. "What did this?" She began to probe around at his neck and he began to cry silent, shuddering sobs.
"Hey," she said softly, touching his helmet. "Is nothing I cannot fix. Whatever happened to you is over. You should power down, kid. This will hurt."
He was tired enough for it but he didn't trust her enough to become fully vulnerable, and he shook his head. "I'll be fine."
"Suit yourself," she said, and began to work inside him as gently as possible.
He wound up powering down despite himself.
Chapter 1
XR woke up in an unfamiliar house on an unfamiliar couch.
He sat up, blinking groggily. There was a thick throw blanket wrapped around him and his surroundings smelled like wood smoke. The room was small and square and the walls were covered with smudged, peeling paint. The carpet was thin and scuffled. A TV was in the corner of the room.
XR studied it for a moment. It was an interesting TV. It started out just a normal, kinda old, kinda small set, but then there were gadgets and wires sticking out all over it and- was that a biohazard sign?
He blinked. There was soft singing coming from the kitchen. He cocked his head sideways like a dog, listening. Small, female voice, accent-
He lay back, moaning heavily as the events of last night came crashing back to him. He closed his eyes, shaking uncontrollably.
After a minute he heard footsteps and the singing increased in volume as it approached him. Then it stopped and she said "Ah, you are awake." The cushion sank down beside him. "Well, that was tricky welding I did on you. I've never seen a robot mauling before..."
"I have," he said flatly.
"Really?" she said with interest. He scowled and rolled over onto his side, turning away from her.
"Look, Kilari-"
"That's a crap name. I'm Kila. Alright?" she said with a point.
He rolled his eyes. "All right, Kila. I'm sorry about this whole thing. I promise I'll never show up on your doorstep again."
She nodded.
( Read more... )
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exp630kila's journal
bored
ecstatic
blah
accomplished
nostalgic